My first birth story was not what I was expecting

I gave birth to my first baby 13 years ago! I was scared, but I’m also an introvert and a fairly private person. I wanted my husband there and that was all! I figured he knew me the best, he was the person I trusted most, and we were told that “all women give birth one way or another so you just need to go do it when the time comes”.

So, we headed in alone.

I remember waiting a really long time before we were seen because it was a busy night and my anxiety was through the roof! I was bleeding and the contractions were getting intense. I didn’t know what to think except “this can’t be good” and “I don’t know what is happening” so my breathing was short and panicked. My husband was trying to console me but I couldn’t get back on track with my calming methods to even hear what he was saying.

I opted for the epidural as soon as I was moved into the birthing unit even though I wanted to hold off for as long as possible.

Would I have a doula if I could go back in time? Maybe? I definitely would prepare myself differently that’s for sure.

What I know now would help me make a much more informed choice. So if you are thinking about having a doula but you are shy, introverted, super anxious, or your partner is wondering if having someone there will take away from their role, here are three things I now know about Doulas that I didn't know back then.

The doula fills in many gaps in your labour journey.

You may have heard about continuous care from a doula and the stats on what that means for your labour (lower interventions, decreased risk of Cesarean, better outcomes for baby, and so much more) but I didn’t realize how many things the doula can do that wouldn’t get done otherwise.

During the last birth I attended, with the scheduled breaks and shift changes, there were 4 different nurses, 2 doctors, and a resident. That’s a lot of times that the mom's info needs to be passed on. They were all wonderful and so so so good at what they do but the doula fills in the gaps. I was with her the whole time. They couldn’t possibly know all the intimate details that I learned about her and her husband in the hours that I was with them. That intimate relationship helps big time when things get intense, mom gets stressed, or dad/partner needs a moment. Hormones and emotions are high! Having a doula by your side is what keeps the calm in the room.

The doula helps the dad become more comfortable with his very important role and guides him to do more of what works.

My husband was with me the whole labour process and he is an ultra supportive dad and husband BUT birth wasn’t his wheelhouse. He was just as shaken by the whole process as I was so that made it difficult for him to keep his anxiety down and his support up.

During labour when I am the supporting doula, I point out when the dad is doing a wonderful job and that helps him continue being that supportive partner for the mother.

During one birth I was attending, the dad was holding his wife as she contracted. She had tried the gas for pain relief but wasn’t finding it effective. I said, "well I guess Dad is more effective than the meds". He loved that acknowledgment and knew what he needed to continue to do. Plus while she was leaning on him I was able to provide relief by working on her back and hips. Sometimes when medications come into the birth journey the partner takes a step back, but that is not always what needs to happen! It can be hard to see that when you are in it.

The doula is mothering the mother.

The doula holds the mother’s confidence when she can’t.

Becoming a mom is a beautiful, scary, empowering, sickly feeling, sometimes traumatizing, warmhearted, maddening, loving etc journey. You can see the ups and downs here. One minute you are loving the feeling of being in the birth tub and the next you are puking on your slippers. The mom needs mothering energy during this transition.

If you feel comfortable with your own mom and you know she will be the support you desire that is beautiful. If you don’t, you may want to consider a doula. One that resonates with your values and feels good to you.

Do you want the spunky, high energy doula to keep you focused? Do you want a male doula with strength and the father energy? Do you want the warm, nurturing yogic mom doula? You get to choose and use your intuition!

How about you?

Are you an introvert? Are you worried about who will be present in the room while you labour? I see you and I’m here if you need to chat about what having a doula will look like for you.

Book a Free Consultation if you want to chat to see if we are a good fit to work together!

If you need help preparing and you love the vibe of evidence-based birth education, yoga, relaxation methods, and natural pain relief methods all wrapped up in one place let's chat! Book a Consultation

I help women in Newfoundland (in person) and across Canada (virtually) to prepare their body, mind, and spirit for labour.